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Whoever came up with the idea of hockey. While I remain a fan of all sports, hockey has always had a captive fan with me. I hated to see the old Ft. Worth Texans fold in the early 80s, but I’ve got the next best thing to the NHL in my hometown right now, so I can’t complain. Go Aeros!

Whoever came up with the idea of eternal hope. Cus being a University of Houston alum, it comes in mighty handy. I’m not big on idolizing sports heros, but all the ones I do have are from UH and have genuinely taught me a valuable life lesson based on their performance on the field of play. Danny Davis has taught me that anything is possible as long as you set your mind to it. David Klingler has taught me that sometimes the goals in life you aim for aren’t necessarily the ones that God has in store for you. On a macro scale … Football has taught me patience. Basketball has taught me even more patience. Baseball has taught me the joys of minor triumphs and major heartbreaks. Golf has taught me the joy of having a history to look back on with pride. And last, but not least, volleyball has taught me that women’s sports are far more entertaining when women bounce.

7. The 99-cent hamburger. Sure, there’s cheaper, but the idea of a 99-cent burger is that its a full size burger, but cheap. Whenever I have no clue what to eat, this old standbye will always remain by my side.

8. Wal Mart. The cheapskate within me has eternal thanks for knowing where to find the cheapest loaf of bread, the cheapest television, and the cheapest bland clothing.

9. Every source of comedic material I have ripped off since the dawn of time. Whether its Bob Newhart, Jerry Seinfeld, Stephen Wright, Sam Kinison, Lewis Black, or the inspired works of fellow Muppets, Statler & Waldorf … you have each given my life’s work a method to evoke my madness. I will continue to rip you all off from here to eternity.